What're you planting?

My wife and I play iPhone games. Lots of them, in fact. There's one (out of about a million of this type) where you plant and harvest crops, and that's part of an income stream that helps you level up and get more buildings and all that. The buildings give you money and XP too but the crops are the primary way of getting both.

Every so often she'll complain that I'm ahead of her in level and money. I always reply with the same question, "What've you got planted right now?" She'll get frustrated and annoyed with me but the plan fact of the matter is that I know that crops are the key to making progress in the game.

After I was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses and my appeal was denied, I really wasn't sure what to do. I wanted a closer relationship with God, I wanted that rift to heal and for me to find a positive spiritual direction, but I felt like I was drifting. Where did a former JW fit in the landscape of Christendom? I'd read the Bible in like three months, but that was more because I wanted something to tell the brothers when I applied for reinstatement. When my reinstatement petition was denied a few months after my appeal was, I was really lost.

But I began to feel closer and closer to God, working with His will in my life and really walking in harmony with Him. Oh wait, no I didn't, because I wasn't trying. I was feeling sorry for myself, asking lots of questions but not looking for answers, and generally speaking.. well, I didn't have any crops in the ground. And that didn't change for several years.

I don't know why I went through that desert, but I know it was at least partly my doing, and I credit a few people for being instrumental in getting me out. It didn't really start to gel for me, though, until I started looking around, started following web links, reading blogs, listening to messages, re-engaging in the entire spiritual process. I was nervous and skeptical at first; After all, I held (and still hold) beliefs that are contrary to what most Christians, who I would now call my fellow believers, hold. But does that change the good it has done for me? Has that prevented God from working in my life through other ministries? Has that caused me to close my heart to true understanding of God's grace, God's mercy, God's love? Of course not.

"Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you". Heard that a lot as a JW, but it applies outside the organization as well. Think of all the parables where the faithful harvest thirty, sixty, a hundredfold. But unless the seed is planted, unless the effort is made, there's no harvest. If we don't put ourselves out there, if we don't try to understand God, if we don't expose ourselves to His truth (which, perhaps unsurprisingly, differs from JW Truth in some sharply important regards) and really work to grasp what grace is all about, then we're not going to get what we need.

So where does one start? Read the Bible. Make it a point to read it every day. I was very, very aggressive about my schedule, and I was blessed for it. But now I'm not as aggressive (1 year target instead of 3 months) but I'm still blessed. And I'm seeing more than I saw the first time and the second time. My grandfather, I only recently discovered, read the Bible four times a year for years. I can't imagine he regretted spending any of that time in God's word. But if you're a former JW looking for a place to land and trying to figure out where you fit, I can't emphasize enough the importance of Bible reading. Even if you stick to the New World Translation, you'll make some pretty amazing discoveries (moreso if you can remove the filter the Society puts on some verses and chapters).

And although I've been hesitant to point anyone in any particular direction, I have to say that without Andy Stanley and North Point Ministries I wouldn't have had the turnaround that I did. Listen to virtually any message at http://www.northpoint.org/messages He's phenomenal and reveals the truth of God better than anyone I've heard. He takes God's word and makes it understandable and applicable and relevant, and I can't recommend him highly enough. And he rarely if ever mentions the Trinity, so that's good too. :)

But in any event, without that action, without that planting, we're not going to get anywhere. We're going to be adrift, lost, and always feeling slightly sorry for ourselves. And satan is perfectly happy to leave us there. So be it Andy Stanley or C.S. Lewis or just the Bible itself, reading and re-engaging is the absolutely critical first step in rebuilding your relationship with Jehovah. And always remember that your relationship with Him is just that: Your relationship with Him. Not with a group of people, not with 'anointed' Christians, not with an organization. With God. The Scriptures make that clear, if you give yourself the opportunity to discover that for yourself. And that's the first step to true Christian freedom.

Paul Would Be Disfellowshipped

If you've been disfellowshipped, you're probably in good company.

I say this because it's plain Paul would have been disfellowshipped from the modern congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses. Maybe that's presumptuous of me, but listen to what Paul writes in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" (TNIV)

Waitwhat? But he goes on. "18 I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."

Whoa there, Paul. Sounds like you keep doing evil, even though you want to do good. Doesn't matter what you want, it's your actions that count, right? We know what it means to persist in sin. We've been read to out of 1 Corinthians (which you wrote, by the way, but let's skip past that for now) at our judicial hearing. You keep sinning, you're out, no matter how much you repent.

Sort of reminds me of my relationship with my wife. She understands when I mess up, sure. She'll even understand if I mess up a couple of times. But keep that up, and it starts getting serious. Let it happen often enough, and she's out of here. And she's certainly not the only woman that's ever said that to me.

But to be fair, she'd be gone for her own protection. Does God need to be protected from our sin? At any point would God say, "Okay, that's enough, I need to stop being hurt by you. Relationship severed, have fun with the darkness and the weeping and gnashing of teeth."? Of course not. We know that instinctively. Yet we're so certain that God abandons us when we have trouble changing course, when we've fallen into the same trap for the hundredth, the thousandth time. There has to be a limit. Right?

Let's stroll right past the parable of the prodigal son for a moment; We know how that could apply here. Let's say the son has squandered his living three times, each time asking forgiveness. Or four. Or seven. At what point does the father hang it up? Close the door? Stop setting up a banquet?

What does Jesus tell us to do? Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive someone who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

So here's the question.. God, how many times will you forgive me when I sin against you? Up to seven times? And the answer is no, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. More grace than you can give. More forgiveness than you can understand. Certainly more mercy than seems fair. But that's the kind of God we serve. That's the kind of God that loves us, that first loved us, even when we were and ARE in rebellion against Him.

We may weep with God over our lost potential, for each time we stumble we lose opportunities to be of service to Him. But He always loves and always forgives, and we belong to Him if we ask to belong. And no judical committee can change that.